Issue

I'm trying to enjoy a bus ride and an outing, and supposedly someone I like is getting people to hurt me.

Apology

Sorry I hurt others's feelings being too unexplanatory and instead hinting at insult.  No offense.

Problems?

I rent a violin, and I found they didn't take the money from my account lately and ended up spending it for emergencies.  I actually ran out of money, and I needed food.  I got a purse that was too small, a cheap one, and I finally decided I needed room for food and drink in it.  I used most of the violin money to get it.  I thought it was just saving money, and I felt bad about bringing a backpack to church, too, when I bus there.

I found eventually that the way people were paying attention to me might have been forbidden because of this.  They also said I can never get another purse, which I want to when I find one and might need one.  I think they did other things, too.

Not to mention, I get $50 a week allowance and my dad wanted to take me to the movies every weekend.  Now, he takes my money from my mom when he does.  I even find myself paying for the food.  I almost feel threatened that I may find I can't go that I'll never get out enough and get legitimately mad.

They are still bothering me and wanted me to feel week in my knees turning them inward.  Who knows what they will make up next.

I didn't know people would be so mad about me getting a purse so I don't have to buy food out, even before knowing I'd run outta money.

They are saying someone I like is punishing me in mean ways for this, too, and sponsored someone else for the bulk of it.  It seems like someone is scaring people to be mean to me, people I know.

Issue

I'm not doing anything wrong, and they keep changing up the situation.

Problem

The people spying on me keep being mean to me and like they have to say people I like did it so my dad won't like ruin them.

Problem

They won't stop talking to me in a derogatory manner about stupid things.  They make a big deal of it and make it complicated.  They lie about me being bad.

Problem

The people making the noises in my room and controlling things like the temperature thing keep being mean to me.

Problems

They've turned on me.

They say someone I like supposedly sent negative secret messages and offenses and threats.  Everyone keeps saying this is how it is.  They don't seem to agree, tho, if you think about it enough.

Problem

They keep putting pressure on me to mess me up.

Problems

They won't stop!  They're liars!

Problems

I'm going somewhere soon.

What about their trashing my possible future babies to be something hurt?

Problem

Why won't anyone stop bothering me?

Problem

They did something perverted and it won't go away, about possible future babies.

Problem

They are messing with my possible future babies and making it feel like I wouldn't be responsible.

Problem

I'm getting more signs of me not deserving anyone now cuz that means they're Johnny Depp to them.

Problem

I keep getting the symbol that I need to deal with annoying things done deliberately to me as tho a part of the environment.

Pattern

They keep flooding me with the idea that I am bad and deserve nothing.

It usually has to do with my inner thoughts and what comes up.

Problem

I keep feeling like I've lost it all when I have things to do.

Dear Problems Blog

I haven't masturbated much lately, but I did last night.  God knows.  My parents acted like I was shit now and that other people I like are off-limits cuz they're like "JD" (Johnny Depp.)

How can that be that because I masturbated that other people are off limits that I look up to?  Is that their fuzzy, tainted logic?  How does that make me not good enough now?  Lotta people do have sex, whether or not they should.

True, tho, I am trying to stop altogether, and it's been a long time.  It seemed okay, but it seems worse in other people's opinions.

They said if I don't shut up they will call my relationships "Steve Irwin," overly popular but not as much as Johnny Depp.  Also, tho, he also died, supposedly because he did something maybe when stressed out I think.  Yes, it was very sad.  I don't know why they are putting someone like him like that in this analogy.  It was known for him that he appealed mainly to a side crowd, tho, but that makes me wonder about other people.

Anyway, they think they can always blame me for anything.

Thing was before I thought of something that would arouse me and I was already aroused when I did it, too.

I don't think I'll do it more, tho I felt a strong urge, cuz it makes me feel like hung over, guilty, or bad after.  I know people who know are mean to me the day after I do it and possibly could be longer, as some people do with things now, as tho I need their discipline of that kind like that.  Could I use helpful disciplinary tips?  No one seems to give them.

I wonder what led me to masturbate.  Earlier, I thought of this and didn't do it.  I don't feel like I wanna decide to do it again.  I wonder if I should still think of that thing.  It doesn't seem totally bad.  However, it's something that makes people feel bad after.  It's a little inappropriate, too.  I don't know if it's healthy to do too much.  I'm gonna try and get more rest and stuff.  I know I went for a long walk yesterday, like 1-2 hours.  It's just unfortunate.  It was a stressful walk.  I used to feel stronger.

I don't understand why I get punished because I'm being spied on and my dad knows I masturbated.  It's just too much.  He always likes to combine elements of what I did wrong.  I do not want to have to masturbate, but this isn't nice.  It really has nothing to do with it.

I'll just have to try to have a good day, regardless.  I have a few things including laundry I can do, tho I kinda am looking forward to sleeping again so may do that.  I was thinking of doing college online, but if I get depressed it may be hard.  I wanted to take 4 courses.  I could probably start in January.  I also wish I had a Disney pass.  I should go to water parks, too, someday.  I actually started to like them a lot.  I am saving some of my money for a festival and a trip, tho, in the nearer future.

So, it seems I am not allowed to have a relationship with someone because I masturbated last night. That makes them better than me, like Johnny Depp.

I just got threatened to stay away from someone I like or else they said "I will be there the whole time."  How sick, what twisted thinking.  I even felt a feelingless, large, machiney penis grow on me when I sorta let my guard down. My dad already doesn't give a crap about my double chin and large stomach I acquired hanging out with him and putting an invisible beard and mustache on me, like that's what I'd want as a man which I don't.  I'm tired of getting fat cuza being around him.  I'm also not that tall cuza pressure from him when I did something.  I used to be tall.  I just don't know what to do.  My legs need to get longer.  I was getting taller, but I don't know if my measuring is right for I don't know what reason.  I actually took off ballet to grow to be an actor more.  I wonder if I need more rest from jogging or more uninterrupted sleep.  I need to go to bed early today.

I heard outside the cars are at it again eager to say what someone I like is teasing me with now.  I just have to remember they are kidding cuz I mean they even gave threats and not just other things to unravel.  They get mad if I am upset about hurtful threats they supposedly give.  They also made my first and last name associated with cancer and someone else.  That's pretty bad.  How can people come up with that lasting effect.  Also, someone said "thirst" cuz they could tell I imagined them as being mean to me and they were virtually cut up some.  How sick.  They were black.  I kinda don't feel like going out now.

Hey the masturbating has gotten better.

So, what do I have to do now?  Just a few things and laundry.. later hopefully will be in school with at least one class online, hopefully 3 or 4.  I wonder if I can afford a Disney pass to break up the week now.  I can't start school til January.  October, November, December, a trip in November.  I think the time will go by okay.  I also have violin I don't want to drop, especially for nothing.

I'm still onto why this is happening, but oh well?

So..

Dear Problems Journal

If anyone wants me to post here, I can.

I got upset, people acted secretly that someone wanted to kill someone if they were nice to me cuza I felt agitated the other night.  So, I retaliated in my imagination.  Then, I did away with the next assuming it'd attack me.  I got upset someone actually did something, maybe just a bit sensitive, taking a walk and a bit tired.  I quickly shut up about that.  Supposedly, these people could just be playing around, pretending someone said this.  I realized it just meant something else, not meaning something okay of course.  I moved around and people could tell something I thought that wasn't good.  I think something else happened and that's it.

So, the moral of the story is to ignore things like this if you can't think of it cuz it's too much at you.  Something wasn't right and I was certainly not prepared nor think I should have to be other than that people are watching me in private.  I mean, that'd be abnormal and take up time.

Onto other things?

Oh, I must realize that I should not think I deserve attention from some people or something, tho they seem to give it and get mad sometimes.  I dunno.  If someone is older, it's not for me to say cuz I dunno.  If they are younger, I need to care.  Why don't people trust me with my race?

Okay, so..

Messing With Me

They're trying to get me to turn on to people in ways I don't want to.

Problem

They won't stop bothering me!

More

I wonder if they want me to have to fill out word captchas to post here.

They are rubbing in in extreme ways that someone else has my relationships.

Problem

They "mixed" the talking experimenters with someone I know trying to edge me each day to feel mixed up as tho in a blender from my parents and with their races.

Issue

I disagree with what they do, and they took away a relationship.

Issue

I was upset and have 2 relationships and now it's like 1 has taken the back seat.

Issue

I'm being teased that older ladies will abuse me all the time or each day even.

More

It seems I am being picked on continuously from before in more intense or suggestive ways.

Issue

I feel pressured that I did something.

I think I just didn't like the people around me (how they were being mean to me) and was upset at being told to feel someone in a way I don't want to or doesn't exist a lot, and that did it supposedly.  That's very unusual, to be told to feel that person so much in a way I dislike.  I didn't even say anything mean back, and I find this very out-of-place.  Maybe, I'm just mean in general in how I feel about people being mean to me.

I'm being told I don't have a relationship anymore.  I wonder if I should have stayed home but not for my sake.  I know I gained weight from resting for my hurt back.  Huh.  I should reinstate a workout schedule today.  I was out other days late.  It probably helped me tho to go out.  Last time I didn't get skinny was from going to morning masses instead of exercising then or other than jogging much later on.

Issue

They are messing with my possible future babies racially etc. and like psyching it out.

They seem to..

They seem to have something against me.

Edit

I deleted a post.

Involved?

Remember before?

Problem

People keep preventing me from having relationships.  That's none of their business.

Problem

Someone keeps getting in the way of my relationships.

Problem

They are hitting hard and a poster just said, "No."

Problem

I can see myself being shelved away according to generation and other people getting it better.  They are putting together very young and very old people together, like not the same generation.

Problem

I can feel the sin in my dad being more involved in my life than before.

Problem

My dad is supposed to be gone and I went out and heard him say about my left, "OK, and what else do you want to do to your tomb tomorrow?"

cont.

They also went ahead and hit something important.

Problem

They said someone I like is sending me physical threats affecting my body.

More

They are still bothering me.

They are trying to disillusion me and tell me I'm out, basically.

Issue

They won't stop bothering me.

Setting Me Off

They are telling me I have nothing left to lose.

Problem

They are invading me physically where sensitive.

Issue

These people should not be involved in my life like this.  They don't talk to me appropriately.

Problem

They won't stop.

Problem

This feeling is staying.

Fighting Me

They said tackily "Well.. no."

Problem

They are sticking with it, saying I submit to things that I dislike or are uncool.  They want me to get cozy like I'm a dork.

More

They just said I can't ever have my relationship back.

Unpleasant Feelings

They are pushing me to other people in hurtful ways.

Whatever Happens

They are the bad ones.

Problem

I think some people dictated for this to happen.  They are definitely involved in ways they should not be.

Problems

There are people experimenting on me spying on me in my room being mean.

My mom came in my room with her laptop to execute something with me, and I was just in a bad mood with something to write, which I later forgot, a problem.  I still feel it.  I think it has to do with making me feel someone in a way I don't want, which doesn't happen, supposedly by someone I like.

They are acting like I should not exist and be the child of someone else other than my mom.

They think I am bad and are gonna have someone I like be mean to me at any point of will.

I told my mom I was in a bad mood, as she just sat there and tried to tickle me in a mean way, like she didn't know, pretending and lying.

I know later my dad came in the room synchronized with me in a gay way, the day after.

I'm getting more signs today.

Problem

They are trying to take from other relationships things I like, like a game.

Everyone else is probably enjoying the night.

More??

They are doing 2 things at once, telling me I am in the wrong more and settling things.

Issue

Supposedly, they are nearly mixing me with people in ways I dislike.

They just..

..keep trying to make me mad.  What if they can affect all my life?  They won't stop no matter what.

Why?

Why if I do anything that shows itself physically should I lose a relationship or anything?  This is gay.

Problem

So, you're putting pressure on me?

They won't stop!  They won't quit being so ridiculous.  This is so stupid.  They must think this will help my life.  I can see it already.  I can't feel upset because it's illegal, yea sure.  So what?  This can't affect my real life and what is most valuable in it that I have.

If I tell you what they did, they will just add to it..

"Hypnotized" to Respond Here

They are threatening me because I am not willing to suffer for this and I say that.

I don't want this to ruin my day.

They think I am bad.

Problem

They keep trying to think they hypnotized me into feeling like I'm bad.

My Death

What if this leads to my death?

Who the Problem Is

That's the bad people.

Issue

If anything weird ends up happening, they look to eliminate a relationship I have that seems most connected.

Guess what?

I can see my parents stealing in the night.

Problem

I need to not be in this conversation with these people like this.

Problem

I can feel them watching every crack in my face.

They think they have something on me.  I became physically agitated.

Problem

They took from my real relationships!

Problem

They keep giving me more problems when I try to get over things.  It's just never enough.

Problem

They just made an answer show up in my Inbox when I thought of this.

They are telling me to go to people I don't like as much like I'm in trouble.

They said one of my best relationships are shit.

Supposedly, someone I like said and sponsored this.

Mad

I have too many problems from this incident.

Problem

These people just keep attacking me, want me to have to fill out word captchas.

Why

Why is Ellen DeGeneres involved in my life as tho what she seems to be doing is right?  She seems to be teasing me.

Plan

So, I was gonna post about something they did wrong, and my mom came in and was acting annoying showing me something even when I said things like eventually that I was just in a bad mood and I wanted to get it over with.

Problem

They keep doing it.

Problem

I feel messed up.

Problem

They are ruining my relationship with my mom.

Problem

They are physically attacking me it feels.

Problem

They are telling me I lost things and was bad.

Problem

They keep telling me I don't deserve anything.

Oh, no!

"This won't work."

Problem

They ruined my chance.

Arousing

They are arousing me inappropriately.

Problem

They are ruining my life!

Attacked

They are pretending I caused any trouble.

Good

I am being good, and look at all the shit I got today.

Problem

They keep digressingly dicatating my life.

Unwanted

Supposedly, everyone I like is hurting me.

Problem

They are offending a relationship.

I know 1 fact.

They are being bad to me.

They want to be mad.

They want to be mad at someone I know.

Keep on Fighting

They keep on fighting at me.

Surrounded

Howcome when I go out people bring up things they claim I did wrong I the past and wail about people who have mean intentions towards me?

Update

Pages - General Problems

When I met someone, I stumbled across everyone flipping me off and a woman thinking, "Marriage," with a bemused smile about me with someone I don't want to think of like that.  Now, much later, they are revisiting it and saying I had a kid with them.  Every time I say no or get really mad and go crazy inside, they make it worse, like before the kid was not with them, but I don't wanna do this.

What I Supposedly Did

I thought they were teasing me like a baby for my supposed behavior.

The Past

They keep bringing up things that upset them from the past.

Lesson and Supper

Hope the rest of the evening is well.  No one should be onto me to start.

Set Off

It seems my dad set this town off me.  I am considered well-behaved and well-mannered usually.  I know it's true.  I should be in the upper echelon, not cheated out on with saying only I suffer from imperfection.  Why are people on my case?  In fact, somehow, the world is onto me.

Abused

I come from a presently emotionally abusive home.  I come in here and people think I naturally give off a negative vibe when I am not the one really doing that.

My dad drove me and they always seem to have negativity for me.

I came in for music lessons.  Everyone followed me like I must be in a wrong mood.  There are people here on a rush working ready to determine my education for the worst "for this."

Because of people spying on me, my dad knows things I don't talk to him about.  He puts me down and makes me mad all at once about what I have put up with.  Some people think I am bad.