Monday, September 19, 2016
Dear Problems Blog
I haven't masturbated much lately, but I did last night. God knows. My parents acted like I was shit now and that other people I like are off-limits cuz they're like "JD" (Johnny Depp.)
How can that be that because I masturbated that other people are off limits that I look up to? Is that their fuzzy, tainted logic? How does that make me not good enough now? Lotta people do have sex, whether or not they should.
True, tho, I am trying to stop altogether, and it's been a long time. It seemed okay, but it seems worse in other people's opinions.
They said if I don't shut up they will call my relationships "Steve Irwin," overly popular but not as much as Johnny Depp. Also, tho, he also died, supposedly because he did something maybe when stressed out I think. Yes, it was very sad. I don't know why they are putting someone like him like that in this analogy. It was known for him that he appealed mainly to a side crowd, tho, but that makes me wonder about other people.
Anyway, they think they can always blame me for anything.
Thing was before I thought of something that would arouse me and I was already aroused when I did it, too.
I don't think I'll do it more, tho I felt a strong urge, cuz it makes me feel like hung over, guilty, or bad after. I know people who know are mean to me the day after I do it and possibly could be longer, as some people do with things now, as tho I need their discipline of that kind like that. Could I use helpful disciplinary tips? No one seems to give them.
I wonder what led me to masturbate. Earlier, I thought of this and didn't do it. I don't feel like I wanna decide to do it again. I wonder if I should still think of that thing. It doesn't seem totally bad. However, it's something that makes people feel bad after. It's a little inappropriate, too. I don't know if it's healthy to do too much. I'm gonna try and get more rest and stuff. I know I went for a long walk yesterday, like 1-2 hours. It's just unfortunate. It was a stressful walk. I used to feel stronger.
I don't understand why I get punished because I'm being spied on and my dad knows I masturbated. It's just too much. He always likes to combine elements of what I did wrong. I do not want to have to masturbate, but this isn't nice. It really has nothing to do with it.
I'll just have to try to have a good day, regardless. I have a few things including laundry I can do, tho I kinda am looking forward to sleeping again so may do that. I was thinking of doing college online, but if I get depressed it may be hard. I wanted to take 4 courses. I could probably start in January. I also wish I had a Disney pass. I should go to water parks, too, someday. I actually started to like them a lot. I am saving some of my money for a festival and a trip, tho, in the nearer future.
So, it seems I am not allowed to have a relationship with someone because I masturbated last night. That makes them better than me, like Johnny Depp.
I just got threatened to stay away from someone I like or else they said "I will be there the whole time." How sick, what twisted thinking. I even felt a feelingless, large, machiney penis grow on me when I sorta let my guard down. My dad already doesn't give a crap about my double chin and large stomach I acquired hanging out with him and putting an invisible beard and mustache on me, like that's what I'd want as a man which I don't. I'm tired of getting fat cuza being around him. I'm also not that tall cuza pressure from him when I did something. I used to be tall. I just don't know what to do. My legs need to get longer. I was getting taller, but I don't know if my measuring is right for I don't know what reason. I actually took off ballet to grow to be an actor more. I wonder if I need more rest from jogging or more uninterrupted sleep. I need to go to bed early today.
I heard outside the cars are at it again eager to say what someone I like is teasing me with now. I just have to remember they are kidding cuz I mean they even gave threats and not just other things to unravel. They get mad if I am upset about hurtful threats they supposedly give. They also made my first and last name associated with cancer and someone else. That's pretty bad. How can people come up with that lasting effect. Also, someone said "thirst" cuz they could tell I imagined them as being mean to me and they were virtually cut up some. How sick. They were black. I kinda don't feel like going out now.
Hey the masturbating has gotten better.
So, what do I have to do now? Just a few things and laundry.. later hopefully will be in school with at least one class online, hopefully 3 or 4. I wonder if I can afford a Disney pass to break up the week now. I can't start school til January. October, November, December, a trip in November. I think the time will go by okay. I also have violin I don't want to drop, especially for nothing.
I'm still onto why this is happening, but oh well?
So..
How can that be that because I masturbated that other people are off limits that I look up to? Is that their fuzzy, tainted logic? How does that make me not good enough now? Lotta people do have sex, whether or not they should.
True, tho, I am trying to stop altogether, and it's been a long time. It seemed okay, but it seems worse in other people's opinions.
They said if I don't shut up they will call my relationships "Steve Irwin," overly popular but not as much as Johnny Depp. Also, tho, he also died, supposedly because he did something maybe when stressed out I think. Yes, it was very sad. I don't know why they are putting someone like him like that in this analogy. It was known for him that he appealed mainly to a side crowd, tho, but that makes me wonder about other people.
Anyway, they think they can always blame me for anything.
Thing was before I thought of something that would arouse me and I was already aroused when I did it, too.
I don't think I'll do it more, tho I felt a strong urge, cuz it makes me feel like hung over, guilty, or bad after. I know people who know are mean to me the day after I do it and possibly could be longer, as some people do with things now, as tho I need their discipline of that kind like that. Could I use helpful disciplinary tips? No one seems to give them.
I wonder what led me to masturbate. Earlier, I thought of this and didn't do it. I don't feel like I wanna decide to do it again. I wonder if I should still think of that thing. It doesn't seem totally bad. However, it's something that makes people feel bad after. It's a little inappropriate, too. I don't know if it's healthy to do too much. I'm gonna try and get more rest and stuff. I know I went for a long walk yesterday, like 1-2 hours. It's just unfortunate. It was a stressful walk. I used to feel stronger.
I don't understand why I get punished because I'm being spied on and my dad knows I masturbated. It's just too much. He always likes to combine elements of what I did wrong. I do not want to have to masturbate, but this isn't nice. It really has nothing to do with it.
I'll just have to try to have a good day, regardless. I have a few things including laundry I can do, tho I kinda am looking forward to sleeping again so may do that. I was thinking of doing college online, but if I get depressed it may be hard. I wanted to take 4 courses. I could probably start in January. I also wish I had a Disney pass. I should go to water parks, too, someday. I actually started to like them a lot. I am saving some of my money for a festival and a trip, tho, in the nearer future.
So, it seems I am not allowed to have a relationship with someone because I masturbated last night. That makes them better than me, like Johnny Depp.
I just got threatened to stay away from someone I like or else they said "I will be there the whole time." How sick, what twisted thinking. I even felt a feelingless, large, machiney penis grow on me when I sorta let my guard down. My dad already doesn't give a crap about my double chin and large stomach I acquired hanging out with him and putting an invisible beard and mustache on me, like that's what I'd want as a man which I don't. I'm tired of getting fat cuza being around him. I'm also not that tall cuza pressure from him when I did something. I used to be tall. I just don't know what to do. My legs need to get longer. I was getting taller, but I don't know if my measuring is right for I don't know what reason. I actually took off ballet to grow to be an actor more. I wonder if I need more rest from jogging or more uninterrupted sleep. I need to go to bed early today.
I heard outside the cars are at it again eager to say what someone I like is teasing me with now. I just have to remember they are kidding cuz I mean they even gave threats and not just other things to unravel. They get mad if I am upset about hurtful threats they supposedly give. They also made my first and last name associated with cancer and someone else. That's pretty bad. How can people come up with that lasting effect. Also, someone said "thirst" cuz they could tell I imagined them as being mean to me and they were virtually cut up some. How sick. They were black. I kinda don't feel like going out now.
Hey the masturbating has gotten better.
So, what do I have to do now? Just a few things and laundry.. later hopefully will be in school with at least one class online, hopefully 3 or 4. I wonder if I can afford a Disney pass to break up the week now. I can't start school til January. October, November, December, a trip in November. I think the time will go by okay. I also have violin I don't want to drop, especially for nothing.
I'm still onto why this is happening, but oh well?
So..
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